Ok so it started out really good. I came home from Starbucks in the morning and DH, DD11 and BD4 had flowers and cards and presents. It was very sweet and nice. We lounged around, planted some flowers and around 2pm we drove to MIL?s for a bbq.
As you all know, SD16 spends weekends at BM?s mothers house (which is in the same town as MIL and the town we used to live in)so she can be close to her bf who also lives in that town.
So on the way DH calls SD. Now its about 3pm. She says she is at her aunts house for a bbq. He lectures her on her bad grades from her last report card (two D?s) and tells her from now on she needs to be home by 6pm on Sundays so she can do her homework. She says well I can?t today because we are going to be at this bbq until 6, then I need to get my stuff and get a ride home from bf. DH says just meet us at MIL?s house at 6 or call before you are on your way home. We both know she is not staying at her aunts house until 6. Then he says did you wish everyone a happy Mothers Day and she?s like yes daddy I did, I wished everyone a happy mothers day, my mom, grammy and BM?s mom. Hmmm no mention of me. Whatever! DH also asks what is her bf doing today and she says he is spending the day with his parents.
So around 5:45 we leave MIL?s house. DH asks me to pull up SD?s tracker to see where she is because she lies about everything. It says she is at bf?s house. DH calls SD.
DH: SD where are you right now?
SD: I just got to bf?s house a minute ago.
DH: ok so are you gonna be on your way home soon? Its almost 6.
SD: Oh well bf has family over and he wants to spend time with them so I was gonna come home in a couple of hours.
DH flips out because he told her he wanted her home by 6. They go back and forth. She tries to lie and says that bf was working all day and just got home from work, even though earlier she said he was spending the day with his family. The reality is that she just wants to spend time with him and get home at 9pm like she always does. SD has been coming home later and later on Sunday nights and other school nights and he has been letting it slide. The other night she got home around 9:30.
So DH says fine you can come home at 7. Leave his house at 7 and no later. Fine. I look at the tracker and realize she has been at bf?s house since 3:30. So I tell DH what I see. Obviously she lied because its 6pm and she said she just got there.
DH calls SD back. Asks her when did you get back to bf?s town. She says oh a few minutes ago. He doesn?t want her to know we can track her so he says that his brother saw her in town an hour ago. So she?s like oh yeah maybe it was an hour ago, me and bf went and got something to eat. Then the call cuts out. I say to DH it was more than an hour ago, it was 2 and a half hours ago and she is lying to you.
DH calls her back again. He says SD you better not lie to me, if you lie to me then you have to come home right now, my brother saw you two hours ago in town so she is like oh maybe I don?t know maybe it was two hours ago. So he?s like oh SD I am so proud of you for telling the truth, just for that you can be home by 8pm.
I am sitting there with my mouth hanging open. She did NOT tell the truth. YOU put words in her mouth and she was just trying to shut you up!!! Moron! He claims he was confused with the time and thought I said 4:30 not 3:30 so he didn't think she was lying.
The last part happened as we were pulling into the driveway. I open my big mouth and say Oh and I was so proud of you for finally standing up to her and making consequences and you blow it by calling her back and giving her her way. That sets him off!!!
We end up in a huge fight because I tell him that I don?t parent her because we just think differently. The way he handles things is not the way I would. He gets all pissed off when I say that she is not my child, I don?t set the rules and I don?t feel I should be parenting her. Then I tell him that she doesn?t listen to you so why would she ever listen to me. I tried to end the fight by just walking away saying I don?t want to do this on Mothers Day and its ridiculous that we are fighting over a child that doesn?t even have the decency to wish me a happy mothers day. He agrees its shitty of her. I explain to him that she just lied to him THREE times and he rewards her by letting her stay later!!! How fucking stupid can you get???
He then says to me something about him parenting DD11. I tell him that he absolutely can parent her. If she is doing something wrong then correct her. The thing is that DD treats him with respect, she is nice to him and she never needs to be yelled at or spoken to. He claims I don?t allow him to parent her. This is him just being defensive and deflecting it off of him. I am onto his game!
He thinks its shitty of me that I don?t parent SD. He thinks I don?t care about her (if he only knew) and that I just ignore her. Well I do because she is an asshole but I still do things for her.
Then he says well if we are just parenting our own kids then we are not a family. I flip out and yell to him IF WE ARE NOT A FAMILY THEN YOU CAN TAKE YOUR EVIL BITCH DAUGHTER AND GO LIVE WITH BM AND PRETEND TO BE A FAMILY OR IT CAN GO BACK TO BEING JUST THE TWO OF YOU AND I WILL TAKE MY KIDS. With that I grab my keys and out the door I go. I was so fucking pissed. Of course he waits about 20 min and calls me begging me to come back and he didn?t mean it that way.We have a long discussion on the phone. I tell him this is why I keep my mouth shut because when I don?t we end up right where we are now, fighting over SD. He claims that if I think her phone should be taken away then I should tell him and he will do it. No he won?t! He defends her and feels bad for her and she gets her way.
I eventually come home and he is kissing my ass and trying to be all nice. Whatever.
Then 8pm comes. No SD. Shocking right! I get a text from her saying that they are watching the hockey game and she will be leaving bf?s house in about 30 min. I relay it to DH. He has me text her that he is pissed and wanted her home by 8. Of course she lies and says oh I thought he said I could leave here at 8. Whatever SD. Then she says fine we are leaving now. This was at 8:05.
Guess what time SD got home????? 9:15 just like every other time. So I say to DH look what time it is DH, its 9:15! This is exactly what I mean about her walking all over you and getting away with murder. He says nothing!
I feel like we took a ride on the hamster wheel and got nowhere. Same outcome. SD comes home whenever she wants. No consequences for her. I should have just kept my big mouth shut.
I went to bed pissed. Mothers day ruined. I told him just wait until Fathers day! He thought I was kidding.
Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/142186
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